It’s no secret that holidays can bring about emotions and stress for many. There are financial concerns, time stressors, social conflicts, schedule worries, and so much more, all at once. For someone struggling with an eating disorder, this time brings about food exposures, body comparisons, food comparisons, meal expectations, social norms around eating, diet culture spotlight, and pressures around eating. For individuals currently struggling with, in recovery from, or somewhere in between these states in their eating disorder, this time can be extremely challenging. For those who live without the impact of an eating disorder, it’s important to create and add to an environment that is conducive to support and appropriate food/body talk. Creating an atmosphere that feels safe, inviting, and accepting can make all the difference for someone who is battling their mind around food and body.

Culture

On paper, Thanksgiving provides a time for families to come together, give thanks, and enjoy a meal together. There are no written rules anywhere that dictate time outside of dinner time, yet our culture has found some unwritten ones. For example, I’m sure many know or are part of a family that embarks in a 5K run the morning of Thanksgiving. Inherently, this is not a bad thing at all. The concern here is if the undertone is to run enough to “earn” the meal later, or preemptively start to “work off” tonight’s meal. This sends the message that the meal must be worked for, or worked off. Many individuals will engage in restrictive behavior the day of Thanksgiving, in a way to “save up” for their meal later. It’s also incredibly common for portion sizes to be exorbitant in nature, followed by a multitude of desserts. For some, Thanksgiving can often turn into a time of heightened bingeing behavior. Talk at the table following meals often includes people discussing how “bad they were,” that they ate “too much,” that they must “work this off tomorrow,” or that they “must’ve gained x pounds from this meal.” In this paragraph, I’m not even referencing the experience of someone with a known and active eating disorder. I’m referencing a common household in America.

Why Is This Problematic?

The above description may work out just fine for some individuals. They may be able to engage in running the day of, not eat as much throughout the day preparing for dinner, engage in diet talk following the meal, and seemingly be “fine.” The fine is in quotes, because there is a fine line between what is accepted, and what is ideal. The problem lies when there is someone in the mix that struggles with their relationship with food and body. Hearing everyone around them at the race express how good it is they’re “burning calories before they eat them” is music to an ED’s ears. This talk just solidified the thought that is central to some EDs, which is: Food has to be earned, and worked off appropriately. If someone else is trying to actively feed themselves throughout the day to stay true to their recovery, this is all the more difficult when they’re surrounded by people who are verbalizing that they are “saving up” for later. This makes the one struggling wonder, “should I be saving up too?” Once the meal is being served or people are finishing up, it’s so common for people to comment on other’s plates; “Wow, you ate a lot!” “You’re getting another serving?” “You’re lucky you can eat like that!” “Why didn’t you clear your plate?” These comments may not seem like much to some, but they can be everything to someone with an ED.

Changing the Culture

If you want to be a part of making a more nurturing and recovery-inclusive environment, you may get some push back. Examples of this could include fueling yourself while preparing dinner. Someone may say to you, “You better save room for later!” To this, you can respond, “I have three meals every other day, today is no different.” If someone is engaging in diet talk at the table discussing how much they’re going to have to work this off tomorrow, you could intervene and ask that you engage in topics that are positive toward food and body. It’s likely someone may say to “lighten up” or not understand, but someone at the table that is struggling with their relationship with food will be so internally grateful you interjected. Diet culture is so ingrained in the American lifestyle that it’s often normalized. It’s the calling out and redirecting of discussion that’s going to bring it to the surface and spark change.

Ways to Prepare if You’re Struggling

1. Find an accountability partner (In person or available to text/call)

2. Make a plan together (And then a backup plan)

3. Make an affirmation list

4. Practice self- care (Yes, even on holidays)

5. Wear something you feel comfortable in

6. Remember: You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your eating habits (Yes, you can literally not answer if someone comments on your plate!) 

7. Ask ahead of time what will be served

8. Depending on where you’re at in your ED or recovery, bring your own meal (Yes, this is allowed!)

9. Lean on accountability partner following the meal

10. Read your affirmation list before bed (Some starters: I am worthy of food. This food cannot hurt me. This meal brings me closer to recovery.)

11. Reach out to a 24/7 ED line if needing extra support (12pm-8pm ET: (800) 931-2237 )

12. Next day: Eat as you normally would.

13. Give yourself grace- You are doing the best you can.

Recovery Through the Holidays

Power of Prevention